May 21, 2007

I miss the Pretty Stewardess...

Some would say "ah, the good ol' days..." and Pop would start railing against women at the Academy.

May 9, 2007

Mr. Johnson & the Aliens

"God is 1" bigger than Grandaddy."

Um... okay. You definitely have my attention, son #3.

"God came before the aliens."

What have I been letting him watch...? Does Dora discuss extraterrestrials?

"So who made the aliens?"

"Mr. Johnson."


"Mr. Johnson, but then he died because he was old."

"Isn't God much bigger than Grandaddy? He must be big enough to make, say, an elephant?"

(much intense thought going on now. I could tell by his eyebrows.)

"Yeah, he's big. But how did he make their blood? Eeyew!"

End of conversation. He walked away, leaving me absolutely no clue as to what started the whole thing, or just who in the heck Mr. Johnson is.

May 2, 2007

CSET test

How to pass* the CSET: Multiple Subjects exam :

onion garlic cashews
dry roasted peanuts
chex mix, cheesey or bold, or both
dried fruit chunks
mini pretzels
chipotle cashews (not too many, they're spicy)
dried cherries
more chex mix
frozen chocolate chips
granola bits and goldfish from the kids' lunch snacks
a few of those salted dry peas, for color

take a handful of each, put in an old pickle jar and shake vigorously, but not so much the pretzels crumble and all the good stuff gets knocked off the nuts. take all that dried fruit crap and put in more chocolate chips, and some m&m's if ya got 'em. shake some more, but gently so the chocolate stays on top. wash down with copious amounts of red bull or guava rockstar ("70% juice!")

Cliffs TestPrep (500+ pages)
DK Timelines of World History (650+ pgs)
NY Times Guide to essential Knowledge (1072, I kid you not!)
Barron's American History the easy way (just shy of 500)
Everything your 4th grader needs to know (375+)
... the 6th grader book too (384)
American History desk reference (450+)
People magazine's 100 Most Beautiful (I needed a break!)
XAM (slogan "Xam to cram") cset prep guide
all those language and grammar books and notes from the classes
just finished, yet hardly remembered....

read a page or two here and there, attempt to convince yourself you really will remember when Ptolemy IV invaded Mesopotamia, if Patrick Henry knew how to diagram sentences, and whether the /ai/ and /ea/ phonemes rhyme in free verse.

good luck.

prayer helps.

*seeing as how I have not passed it yet myself, or even taken one section of it, any claims to this method resulting in the successful passing of exam are purely speculative. I'll let you know in apprx 2 weeks, 2 days, and 17 hours from now, if I'm not certifiably insane by then.