40 reasons...

"40 reasons not to spawn"

Saw this interesting article, and my first thought was:
She could only think of 40?!?!?

Sheesh, my kids give me 40 reasons before we're finished breakfast, and another 40 before I kick 'em out of the truck in front of the school... if they're lucky, it's their school... But that's why they make backpacks with pockets for maps and compasses, right?

The two lines that caught my eye:

The child is a kind of vicious dwarf, of an innate cruelty.

...maternity-leave provisions (16 weeks at full-time pay) and healthy cash payments for additional children (1,000 euros a month for each child after #2)

Ok, I don't know how much a Euro is, but it's gotta be alotta coin to be worth childbirth* -- and 4 months pay is plenty to provide the "vicious dwarf" with his/her own cable TV and a lock on the door...

You know I'm just kidding, the author is both French and wrestling with issues. So I made my own list, and realized I shouldn't count "no peace and quiet" for #'s 2, 5, 16, 21, and 32 through 39... and that most of the spots left on the list were taken by variations of either "the killer of desire/must check 12 times to make sure door is locked" and "it costs how much???" ...so I guess mine aren't that bad, and I'll keep them (the kids, not the reasons), despite being Frenched out of the 16 weeks pay...

...and, as of on cue, Son #3 just provided me with reason #41: they get in the shower wearing socks and a sweatshirt.

*I make no pretensions to knowing even the slightest idea regarding the pain of childbirth, and do not wish to be construed in any way as minimizing said pain. My hat is off, and all important parts tied tight, in respect for the anguish mothers endure to bring children into the world. But c'mon, for the right amount of zeros on the check, you'd do it all again, wouldn't you?

Yes, Virginia...

I don't remember exactly when Son #1 discovered the truth behind St. Nick, but he was cool about it -- he played the game well for his little bros, and winked at me as a co-conspirator when he mentioned all the things he wanted "Santa" to bring him, as if I wanted to reward his not exposing Mr. & Mrs. Claus as frauds...

But now #2 is 10, and should know better... but I don't think he does. He believes. He believes strongly, with a passion that I would not be surprised if it lead to a black eye for defending Santa's reputation on the playground. We've tried to test him, to see if he was just playing along this year, but he has never been a good actor/liar. We've tossed him little hints, jokes about the number of Santas at the malls or how the Claus clan spends the summer, but he has a plausible (if you factor in magic) explanation for everything.

My worry was he would be exposed as a True Believer at football practice, but that's not the type of thing you talk about in the huddle, and I was glad when the season ended with his faith, and manhood, still intact. Now with one week left of school before the Christmas -- oops, Holiday, oops, Winter Break -- I do hope one of his friends will break it to him gently... it's not something I want to have to tell him before he goes off to college or on his wedding night ("Hold up, Son, one more thing...").

update: And now the cinematographer, or more appropriately the "Punk'd" hidden cameraman, side of #2 is coming out: he is testing all the angles to best catch Santa in the act of delivering the goods... he has the batteries, the back-up batteries, the charger, the blank tape, where exactly to place the plate of cookies... which means I need to climb over the stair railing, shimmy along the back of the couch, spiderman my full-of-cookies ass down the bookshelf to "accidentally" knock the camera sideways so it films the wall. And then spend 10 minutes making sounds like a jolly old elf filling stockings and sneaking back out to his reindeer! Sheesh! I hope it's worth it, this kid better have gotten me a darn good gift...