December 26, 2007

40 reasons...

"40 reasons not to spawn"

Saw this interesting article, and my first thought was:
She could only think of 40?!?!?

Sheesh, my kids give me 40 reasons before we're finished breakfast, and another 40 before I kick 'em out of the truck in front of the school... if they're lucky, it's their school... But that's why they make backpacks with pockets for maps and compasses, right?

The two lines that caught my eye:
The child is a kind of vicious dwarf, of an innate cruelty.

...maternity-leave provisions (16 weeks at full-time pay) and healthy cash payments for additional children (1,000 euros a month for each child after #2)

Ok, I don't know how much a Euro is, but it's gotta be alotta coin to be worth childbirth* -- and 4 months pay is plenty to provide the "vicious dwarf" with his/her own cable TV and a lock on the door...

You know I'm just kidding, the author is both French and wrestling with issues. So I made my own list, and realized I shouldn't count "no peace and quiet" for #'s 2, 5, 16, 21, and 32 through 39... and that most of the spots left on the list were taken by variations of either "the killer of desire/must check 12 times to make sure door is locked" and "it costs how much???" ...so I guess mine aren't that bad, and I'll keep them (the kids, not the reasons), despite being Frenched out of the 16 weeks pay...

...and, as of on cue, Son #3 just provided me with reason #41: they get in the shower wearing socks and a sweatshirt.



*I make no pretensions to knowing even the slightest idea regarding the pain of childbirth, and do not wish to be construed in any way as minimizing said pain. My hat is off, and all important parts tied tight, in respect for the anguish mothers endure to bring children into the world. But c'mon, for the right amount of zeros on the check, you'd do it all again, wouldn't you?

3 comments:

Allie D. said...

The first paragraph of this had me laughing WAY out loud! Beautifully done. And I don't think I'll ever quite get the "child haters." Now, those who really don't want kids should never have them, but taking out one's internal ire on the children themselves? Soulless individuals. My kids make me absolutely insane on a minutely basis. But no amount of zeroes would make me give them up...

Not sure if I'd have more though. lol

jugglingpaynes said...

ROFL!
I think you can put "no peace and quiet" on your list as many times as you want.

As a mom who preferred laboring "the old fashioned way" I can tell you there is no greater experience a woman can go through. A shame so many women don't think they are strong enough to do it unmedicated. FYI my 3 labors were 25 hrs, 10 hrs, and 12 hrs and my son's was the only one that wasn't intense. I guess my girls wanted to make sure I knew they were coming. I wouldn't exactly call it anguish, it's more like extreme sports. You push yourself through the pain, you know you're going to hurt like h*ll in the morning, but passing the finish line makes it all worth it.

Peace and Laughter!

JK said...

I don't remember the length of my wives' "extreme sport", but I did learn an important lesson during son #1: don't have a Carl's Jr western bacon cheeseburger while she's in the middle of it... apparently I'm supposed to starve as long as the labor lasts... pffft!