October 24, 2008

Aaaahhhhh... (as in a sigh of relief)

as in, raise a few Heinekens to salute and commemorate my first (successful, if I do say so myself) substitute teaching assignment (or to use the preferred parlance: "guest teacher")...

No Child Left Behind? All I was worried about was no child left out on the playground, no child hiding under a desk, no child locked in the classroom for the weekend when I locked the door...

I must have had the deer-in-the-headlights look, since the teacher explained the lesson step by step, slowly and with small words, and then covered the textbook, her desk, and my tie in friendly reminder post-it notes. When she started sticking notes to each kids' forehead, I had to reassure and boot her out the door...

oops, gotta Lego emergency* -- to be cont'd

so anyway... the day went well. I choked a little when she told me after the math lesson I was teaching Sign Language, but luckily that consisted of popping in a video (and yes, she went over the incredible complex operation of this new-fangled contraption called a dee-vee-dee player step... by step... by step...). I wasn't sure if I was supposed to turn all the lights out on a room full of 7 year olds, but they were quiet and I'd just started to relax when they all instantaneously burst into song with the deaf kids in the show-- good thing my "holy *%#@&!!" was drownded out by the squeaky voice choir. Next came the clean-up song, chairs up, and they were out the door!

*y'know, when you can't find that one little piece to complete the Temple of the Crystal Skull, or something like that, so a complete all-out full-scale end-of-the-world melt-down is in order until Dad finds the brick stuck to the back of your sweaty, grimey little leg? Yeah, that kind.

5 comments:

Tasses said...

Welcome to Hell. I subbed for 6 months before getting my own gig. Scary, scary time....

(Actually, all joking aside, subbing is much easier than having your own class because the accountability factor is less. Enjoy it.)

twobuyfour said...

CONGRATULATIONS! I'm so proud of your successful completion of a whole day in your new career-path. I never really had any doubt that you could do it, but I'm proud of you, nonetheless. You are an example of determination and accomplishment.

Let's hope you feel so accomplished after you've got a few years under your belt.

SBS said...

I DO THAT!!!!! The posty note thing, I mean. I mean I don't stick them to the kids or anything, but I do post every worksheet and folder and what have you. It has nothing to do with the thoughts of an unable or unfit sub....it's just that we elementary teachers are a little anal. As you move into the upper grades, you won't find it so much. (Once, when I was subbing for a high school teacher, I was given the lesson plans for the day on the back of a shopping receipt! And all of the page numbers were wrong!!)
Just remember to keep your head up. Subbing is not real teaching. It's a trial by fire! You will have good days, and then, well, those days when all of the pages listed on the back were wrong. I found that bribery works wonders. No matter the grade......
Feel free to contact me anytime if you have questions or what have you. Ask 2x4 for my email.
And, Congrats on the first day out of the way!!!!

twobuyfour said...

Sounds like quite an adventure. I didn't know you were qualified to teach sign language. How many words do you know?
"We're #1"
"Peace"
"Okay"
"Did you realize that you cut me off?"

Slim said...

You crack me up.