How you doin'?

"Hey, how are ya, how's it goin', how ya been?"

Well, that all depends on what answer you want, what you really and truely mean by "how are you?"
Do you want the standard "good, and you?" or are you looking for details, maybe narrowed down to a specific category: how am I doing my job, how is my sore foot, how do I feel mentally or emotionally? How is my life overall, on a scale of 1 - 10? And when you're interested in my life, do we just get a sense of the overall, the general everything-ness of my existence? Or do we break it down into categories again, home/health/career/bowling average? What should be the time frame -- last 2 weeks, 6 months, or a composite of the last decade? This could lead to some lengthy replies....

For the record, I'm fine. How you doin'?


Break a life down, separate out the components, divide everything onto categories, and a man can focus on what is really important:

Sex, Sports, Family, Career.

What else is there? You could make an argument for Faith, but you usually don't ask your friends how their walk with the Lord is going, at least not while getting coffee before the marketing strategy meeting, or in front of the family when everyone gets together to meet the new girlfriend. Besides, you're not going to get an honest answer (oh man, sinned with the secretary last week, He is pissed!) or you'll turn the BBQ into a prayer meeting (As a matter of fact, He just burned that hydrangea bush out by my back gate, and told me to share these verses with you...).


Yes, the categories do blend at points: sports and career can be the same, and without sex there usually is no family (for example, my first marriage). In fact sex should be an integral part of each aspect of a man's life, without it the rest will suffer and we have to deal with those "over compensation" issues (see HumVee owners). Unfortunately some people mix the sex/sports/family too heavily (see NASCAR fans).

How do we judge if a man is a success? Or more importantly, how does a man measure his own success? And why would he do it publicly, unless he wanted to sell you something or get elected (I know, same thing).

I cannot speak for anyone else, the public self-humiliators with the dirty laundry tossed out all over the www, or the drama queens baring their souls in a pathetic effort to scrub away guilt or attract chicks, but in my case it's simple: I crack myself up, and no one reads these things anyway.


Bottom line, the high point of my life, career-wise, was being the editor-in-chief of our high school newspaper. Athleticly, it was the Pop Warner championship game in 6th grade, won 18-0 with all three TD's behind my devastating blocks from right tackle. Sex? Well let's just say it had nothing to do with me having the Most Wonderful & Beautiful Wife in the World, or if it did she fell for me in less time than it took you to read this sentence.

Moving right along...