May 2, 2007

CSET test

How to pass* the CSET: Multiple Subjects exam :

onion garlic cashews
dry roasted peanuts
chex mix, cheesey or bold, or both
dried fruit chunks
mini pretzels
chipotle cashews (not too many, they're spicy)
raisins
dried cherries
skittles
more chex mix
frozen chocolate chips
granola bits and goldfish from the kids' lunch snacks
a few of those salted dry peas, for color



take a handful of each, put in an old pickle jar and shake vigorously, but not so much the pretzels crumble and all the good stuff gets knocked off the nuts. take all that dried fruit crap and put in more chocolate chips, and some m&m's if ya got 'em. shake some more, but gently so the chocolate stays on top. wash down with copious amounts of red bull or guava rockstar ("70% juice!")


Cliffs TestPrep (500+ pages)
DK Timelines of World History (650+ pgs)
NY Times Guide to essential Knowledge (1072, I kid you not!)
Barron's American History the easy way (just shy of 500)
Everything your 4th grader needs to know (375+)
... the 6th grader book too (384)
American History desk reference (450+)
People magazine's 100 Most Beautiful (I needed a break!)
XAM (slogan "Xam to cram") cset prep guide
all those language and grammar books and notes from the classes
just finished, yet hardly remembered....

read a page or two here and there, attempt to convince yourself you really will remember when Ptolemy IV invaded Mesopotamia, if Patrick Henry knew how to diagram sentences, and whether the /ai/ and /ea/ phonemes rhyme in free verse.



good luck.




prayer helps.







*seeing as how I have not passed it yet myself, or even taken one section of it, any claims to this method resulting in the successful passing of exam are purely speculative. I'll let you know in apprx 2 weeks, 2 days, and 17 hours from now, if I'm not certifiably insane by then.

6 comments:

work in progress said...

Wow. My cramming food was pretty much limited to mochas and chocolate chip cookies. I never got as creative as you, apparently. You're scaring me a little because I'm considering returning for my Master's. Don't know if I'm ready for all that again.

Livvy U. said...

The fact that I have absolutely NO idea what the CSET test is, in no way dimmed my absolute enjoyment of this post.
Livvy

twobuyfour said...

I don't care how good the pay is at the job you're looking for, I'm not putting my nuts in a jar to pass the entrance exam.

JK said...

CSET:
California's Sadistic & Evil Torture of all future teachers... or something like that. Crap, I hope it's not on the test....

Anonymous said...

U R HILARIOUS :)

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